Leave Your Hat On
by VampQueenV
Summary: The Guys Will Never Learn. Songfic. Sequel: Guys Do It All The Time.


This is a follow on to: Guys Do It All The Time. Thanks go to Fage for the beta. Quick disclaimer: Don't own jack, X-Men belong to Marvel & Fox. Leave Your Hat On is a song by Joe Cocker

Thursday evening found Logan, Scott, Hank, Remy and Bobby locked away in the school's security room.

"So when is it?" Bobby asked, for the hundredth time.

"Saturday!" Came the chorus of replies.

"Are we sure this is a good idea? I mean, if Jean or any of the other girls found out, we could be in a lot of trouble."

"Damn it Scooter! Grow a pair." Growled Logan.

"Or at least ask Jean to return the originals."

"Hank!"

"Oh my apologies Scott, I believe I may be intoxicated. What a clever invention is this… beer…" He started, only to be cut off by Bobby.

"Scott's right. If Kitty finds out, I don't even wanna' think about what'll happen."

"Sound like chere' got de Iceman's cubes." Remy teased, knocking back a shot of Tequila.

Chuckling, Logan leaned back in his chair, "Relax kid, yer' girl ain't gonna' find out. Besides, it's an opportunity to see somethin' new. "

"Very funny, but I've seen naked women before." Bobby retorted.

"Hustler doesn't count."

"You see Bobby," Hank slurred, "These women will be in the flesh… and they'll be dancing and taking their clothes off. They'll be taking their clothes off while they're dancing… and they'll be naked… good lord, they'll be naked!" Hank choked on his beer, belatedly comprehending his last statement.

"How much have you had to drink?" Asked Scott, furrowing his brow.

"One, two, umm… six cans of Molson's." Came the drunken reply.

"And half a bottle of Chuck's good Whiskey." Added Logan, "The rest is mine." He smirked.

"You stole The Professor's Whiskey?"

"No, we borrow." Remy answered.

"Says the thief." Scott countered.

Remy tried to feign offense, but broke out into laughter.

"Back to the matter at hand," Said Scott, getting into fearless leader mode, "Is everyone in?"

"Yes!" Shouted Logan and Remy.

"I con… con…cur." Hiccupped Hank.

"Fine… I'm in." Bobby relented.

Scott addressed the men, "We can stage a mission. The Professor is visiting Doctor McTaggart this weekend, so I'll be in charge. I'll assign the girls baby-sitting duty and we'll slip out at eight."

Hank abruptly stood up, grabbing Bobby by the shoulders, "Robert…" He started, shaking the younger man back and forth, "Bobby…Bobby… listen to me. Listen to me Bobby…"

Bobby nodded, laughing, "I'm listening Hank."

"Oh yes, a wise decision. You see… if we pretend to be on a mission… Kitty and the others will never find out… so, you needn't be hesitant." The furry geneticist plopped back down in his chair, feeling that his point had been made.

Dusting off the blue hair from his hooded sweater, Bobby gave Hank a weary look, "I know…"

"Oh…" Came the flustered response.

"No more beer Hank." Scott scolded.

"Well, I do appreciate the sentiment… but we've run out of spirits and earlier tonight I was elected to purchase more. Now if The Professor would be so kind as to donate another bottle of his fine whiskey…"

Remy threw Hank an empty bottle, "And don't forget more a' dis'."

Barely catching it, Hank nodded, "I shall not, my Cajun friend… TEQUILA!" He shouted, much too loudly.

Logan pointed Hank toward the door, "It's that way."

"Ah yes… thank you." He said gratefully before collapsing.

Flinching in response to a resounding thud, the group regarded their friend, "Great, who's gonna' get the booze now?" Asked Logan, chomping on his cigar.

"Should we take him to the medbay?" Queried Bobby.

"You mean carry him? Are you kiddin' me? Furball weighs more than a Mazda fulla' prostitutes."

Remy, Bobby and Scott looked at Logan quizzically, wondering how he'd come up with that particular comparison.

Their thoughts were interrupted by a light stirring, "No need," Said Hank, his voice partially muffled due to inebriation and the floor's carpeting, "I'm perfectly comfortable here at the moment. A bit of rest will do me good… as you were, gentlemen."

"Will do." Replied Logan, nodding for Scott to continue.

"Well, if there are no questions, I guess we're done here. "

"I'll drink to that," Said Remy, taking the last swig of his beer.

"We better get going," Interrupted Scott, "Before the girls come looking for us."

"Oui, don't wanna' make them suspicious." Remy agreed.

Cleaning up their mess, the men left once Hank was steady enough to walk unassisted.

Little did they know that upstairs, five angry women were privy to their plan.

They'd forgotten about Jean; human surveillance.

"I'm gonna kill em'." The telepath raged, her eyes turning black.

"Whoa, easy there." Rogue soothed.

"Sorry." Jean apologized, her eyes changing back to their natural brown.

"What are we gonna' do?" Asked Kitty.

"Nothing." Rogue answered calmly.

"Nothing?" The women replied in unison.

Smiling, Rogue twirled a lock of white hair around her finger, "Yeah, well at least not for tonight and probably not tomorrow either."

Rogue projected her pan to Jean, leaving the older woman grinning like a mad idiot, "Perfect." She cooed.

"What?" Asked Jubilee, Kitty and Ro', confused and annoyed that they had not been let in on the plan yet.

Jean projected it to them.

"Cool!" Jubilee exclaimed, popping her gum.

"Ro', Kitty?" Jean asked.

The two shared a smile, "We're in."

"Good. Kit Kat, research The Cream House. Find out about it's main attraction." Rogue instructed, "Jubilee, you and Ro sort us out some outfits. Me and Jean will take care of the rest. Ok?" They all agreed, "Alright then, lets give the guys a night they'll never forget."

Friday passed without incident; the guys on their best behaviour and the girls scheming. The Professor left later that afternoon, confident in Scott's ability to take charge.

Early Saturday morning Scott called a meeting of The X-Men, handing out weekend assignments. Jean, Rogue, Ro', Jubilee and Kitty were on house-duty and all the men with the exception of Piotr and Kurt, who had the weekend off, were on active duty. After Logan's token protest about having to work with Scott, everyone went on with their day.

At around a quarter to eight, Scott came bounding into the rec room where the team had been watching a movie and declared that there was a mission. Apparently, a mutant had just come into his powers and was being chased by the Friends of Humanity.

"Where?" Asked Logan, shifting to go.

"Downtown New York." He replied, "So the Blackbird's out, our only other choice is the SUV… and no uniforms, we can't risk drawing attention to ourselves." He added as Hank, Remy, Logan and Bobby filed out, saying goodbye to their respective partners as they went.

Making sure that the men were gone, Rogue turned off the TV, "Ah'm impressed, Ah was startin' ta' believe there was an actual mission."

"Yeah, Scott took drama in college." Jean told her, snickering, "He wanted to be the next Harrison Ford, though I think it had more to do with Princess Leia than with real acting."

Hysterical laughter emanated from the living room for next few minutes.

Around nine, the women put their plan in to action, getting Kurt and Piotr to keep an eye on the students in exchange for the next two weekends off.

Arriving at The Cream House at 9:30, the girls headed around back to the talent entrance. A bit of mind suggestion courtesy of Jean had the bouncer and the rest of the staff thinking that they were The Cardinal Sins. The real ones had been cancelled by Kitty who'd made up something about a health issue at the club.

Waiting in their dressing room, Jean did a quick mental scan of the place, "They're here." She informed the rest.

"Let's get ready girls." Ro' said, pulling her costume out; the others followed suit.

At the bar, the guys were enjoying themselves and clearly unprepared for what was about to happen.

"Glad ya' came homme'?" Remy asked a drooling Bobby.

Nodding his head in answer, he watched as Logan slid a dollar into one of the dancer's thongs.

Scott received a lap dance from another, while Hank gyrated with a shapely third. A second round of drinks were placed on the table as the ladies on stage finished their routine.

The lights in the bar went down as a spotlight hit the stage and the owner grabbed a mic, "Gentlemen… you are some lucky bastards because tonight, we have the newest, hottest, sexiest ladies in existence… if you promise to be nice, they promise to be naughty… The Cardinal Sins!" The place erupted with a series of whistles, cat calls and cheers.

The single spotlight went out and five took it's place.

Each woman's face was concealed by a mask and hat.

As the music started to play they all began to dance.

Walking to the front dressed in a black tuxedo jacket and a top hat, Rogue followed the song's instructions.

Baby, take off your coat

Real slow

Taking the jacket off to reveal a black cocktail dress, she crooked a finger toward Jean, who was dressed in a nurses' outfit.

Take off your shoes

Stopping Jean's actions, Rogue pushed her into a chair that had been strategically placed on stage and kneeled in front of the older woman.

I'll take off your shoes

Pulling the shoes off, Rogue lifted herself up, sliding against Jean suggestively. Ro', Kitty and Jubilee walked to center stage, bringing more chairs with them. Ro' dressed as a policewoman, Kitty as a waitress and Jubilee as a French maid. Each of them stood in front of their respective chairs.

Baby take off your dress

Yes, yes, yes

A round of cheers went up as the five women stripped off their dresses revealing lacy bras, shorts and suspenders, all in different colors; Rogue in green, Jean in red, Ro' in white, Kitty in pink and Jubilee in gold.

Go over there, turn on the light

Hey, all the lights

Come over here, stand on that chair

The five climbed onto the chairs.

Yeah, that's right

Raise your arms up into the air

They raised their arms.

Now shake em

You give me a reason to live

You give me a reason to live

You give me a reason to live

You give me a reason to live

The women swayed their arms from side to side before putting them down to wander each curve of their bodies.

Sweet darling, (you can leave your hat on)

You can leave your hat on

Baby, (you can leave your hat on)

You can leave your hat on

(You can leave your hat)

(You can leave your hat on)

Stepping down from their chairs, they stalked forward.

Suspicious minds are talkin'

They're tryin' to tear us apart

They don't believe in this love of mine

They don't know what love is

They don't know what love is

They don't know what love is

They don't know what love is

Yeah, I know what love is

They stopped, legs in a wide stance allowing Rogue to crawl between them.

There ain't no way

(You can leave your hat on)

You can leave your hat on

(You can leave your hat on)

Give me a reason to live

(You can leave your hat on)

You can leave you hat on

When she'd successfully completed the maneuver, the spotlights went out. When they came back on, the five women were no longer on stage, instead they stood in front of the bar with water pistols in hand.

As the song played out, the women raised their water pistols, soaking Logan, Remy, Hank, Scott and Bobby.

The men were defenseless against the watery attack.

"What the fuck?" Asked Logan, looking like a drowned rat.

Rogue removed her hat and mask, "What's a matter sugah', don't like the show?"

The men's eyes widened in horror as the other four removed their disguises as well.

"Marie, baby, I can explain." Logan started.

"No ya' can't," Rogue interrupted, "Because we already know everything and the way Ah see it, you and the rest of these sorry excuses for men are gonna' be spendin' more than a few nights in the doghouse."

Jean, Ro', Jubilee and Kitty nodded in agreement, following Rogue out of the club with their men in hot pursuit, spewing apologies.

Logan groveled the most because he knew first hand from many previous screw-ups just how cold and lonely the living room couch was.


End file.
